So this depression part is really hard for me to read. I'd read it before online, but somehow in the book it was harder to turn the page than I'd anticipated.
Because I remember that shit. I remember trying to do enjoyable things and wondering why they weren't enjoyable anymore. I still have weird aversions to things I tried doing at the time, because they sucked, and even though that's not their fault (sorry, books I picked up while depressed and never finished), I still associate them with bad things.
And now I'm someone who, while not entirely un-depressed, at least knows what un-depressed
looks like. I know that it's possible for me to be okay. So now I'm worried that I'm one of those "positive thinking" people who tries to tell other people that everything's all right when it really, really isn't. I have to remember to not do that.
Because my main argument against letting depression continue is that it's stealing my life. Every time I get out of a bout of depression, I'm like "I could have been doing so much more with those days." But I never feel this way WHILE it's going on. I only feel it when I'm on the other side and I can look back and marvel at how low I was.
They've done studies that emotions are tied to memory. When you're depressed, all you know is depression. You don't feel like you'll ever get out of it because you can only imagine yourself in a depressed state. You think about all the bad things that have ever happened to you and forget about the good ones. So someone saying "you should work on getting un-depressed so you can actually live your life!" makes no sense because living life at that point doesn't seem like a worthwhile goal.
So I have to remember not to say that.
Reading this also makes me feel slightly panicky, as if by reading about depression I'm inviting it in, and it's going to grab me again and not let go.
